Raf was like, “Hey Mark, can we post our tour diaries on Funeral Sounds?” and I was like, “New phone, who dis?” How time flies. Spill is currently on tour with Straw Hats in support of their debut self-titled EP through Broken World Media. This diary covers the fifth date of the nine day tour.
Nashville, Tennessee -> …
February 13 + 14, 2016
The show last night was decent, but regardless I felt a pervading sense of insecurity wash over me as the night wore on. It felt like everyone at the show, maybe even Nashville as a whole, was gorgeous, hip, and probably way more musically talented than any of us. It was further confirmation that the mental game in music is very real. I broached the topic in my the Richmond>Greensboro post, but damn if it isn’t easy to get down on yourself if things don’t line up in some imaginary perfect way. Sometimes the crowd won’t seem very into it. Sometimes you’ll feel out of place. The sound won’t be great, maybe you flubbed a part. There aren’t many people here. Are we actually a good band? Am I wasting my time? Why am I getting so few Tinder matches?
Of course this insecurity is exacerbated by my own issues with anxiety and depression, but I think it’s something all creative types deal with. How do you plow ahead when you have so many thoughts trying to hold you back? I’m open to any suggestions, but I’ve definitely been partial to the fake it till you make it confidence approach. If you’re not convinced that you matter, then it’s easy for others to feel the same way. I’ve learned that I have to try to maintain an internal sense of self-worth. I can’t control the feelings of others- hell, sometimes I can’t even tell what they are. Especially if it’s just a crowd at a show, my own feelings about our performance will color my perception of how everyone else felt. So I’m better off just whispering to myself, “Buddy, you’re kiiiiilling it,” and going on my way.
Thankfully, my insecurity was tempered by a bit of inspiration later on in the night. We made our way down to a Broadway honky tonk and got to see a band go through their set. All of us love country music and it was definitely humbling and impressive to see some older dudes rip it on stage, with perfect skill and confidence. They crushed a rendition of Waylon Jennings’ “Luckenbock, Texas” despite having never played it before. The singer even had to look at his phone for lyrics while singing. How does a band make it in Nashville when everyone is so good at what they do?
Our next show in Bowling Green, Kentucky got cancelled on account of snow, so we stuck around town for another rainy and dreary day. Our friend took us out to Woodlands, an insanely good vegetarian/vegan Indian buffet, and we spent the rest of our time in town napping and wandering. The other fellas took over the jukebox at local infamous dive Springwater while I got wasted and wrote a song at our friend’s apartment. We experienced a piece of some sort of Nashville dream, that’s for sure.
Spill ends the tour tonight in Philadelphia: https://www.facebook.com/events/927992630612787